I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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