I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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