I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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