I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
