She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
