Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
