Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
