Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
