By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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