shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
