dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
