New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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