With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
