please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you had me at cake vodka
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
