Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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