some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
