This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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