You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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