Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
