I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
