Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
