I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm at about main and main street
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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