You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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