I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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