just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
