My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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