i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
