I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
