so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
