Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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