We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
