bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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