Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
