I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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