why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
