There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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