It's Friday. Sex?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
