I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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