Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
