I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
