Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Let's get the cat blown out
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
