So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
