the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
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he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They took my balls.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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