when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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