So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
