he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
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you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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