mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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