Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
