that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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