wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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