She said her name was "party"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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