ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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