wat bout pragnant strippers??
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
