dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
They have beer where we have blood.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
