does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
