I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
