my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
