Just cropdusted the office
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
