So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I think I just sharted jello shots
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
