I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
