i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
