and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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