the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Come share oat with me in your robe
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
