I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
